Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems With Illustrations edition by Christoph Paul Spider B Loren Kleinman Literature Fiction eBooks
Download As PDF : Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems With Illustrations edition by Christoph Paul Spider B Loren Kleinman Literature Fiction eBooks 
Author's Note I will never meet any of these people, the celeberties, but I feel like I know them. We all do. We treat them like royalty—modern kings and queens we spend needless hours gossiping about, but yet we are happiest when they play the role of the fool. In this book they will be taken off our collective pedestal and will speak without a script as I, the poet, will also advise them on how to not to go bankrupt or be such an ungrateful asshole.
I put all of them on my couch and played psychologist letting them speak freely in the best and oldest artistic tradition we have—poetry. Not many people read poetry books these days but we all look at the celebrity magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store. Think of this book as a guilty magazine pleasure in the form of poetry. If you have read “The Passion of The Christoph”, you know it's going to get raw, it is going to get real, and you are going to laugh really hard.
If there ever was a poetry collection that was bathroom material this is that book.
Celebrities include Beyonce, Amanda Bynes, Justin Bieber, Louis C.K., Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Ryan Gosling, Paris Hilton, JLo, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and many others. That includes Illustrations by Spider B.
Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems With Illustrations edition by Christoph Paul Spider B Loren Kleinman Literature Fiction eBooks
From At The InkwellWhen Laughing At Celebrities Feels So Good: Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems
If you have read The Passion of the Christoph, then you understand Christoph Paul's dirty and cheeky humor. If it was a bit too much in some short stories, then you will not skip a page in his sophomore satire, Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems.
Paul channels each authentic celebrity voice into this poetry book that doesn't stumble or falter. I envision John Cusack speaking on a couch telling Paul:
I've gotten many colds
standing outside
women's windows.
Or Leonardo DiCaprio finally admit what was been on everyone's minds while watching Titanic:
If I was Jack,
I would have thrown Rose overboard,
and lived to keep painting rich chicks.
Just when you think Paul couldn't possibly create the right voice on his eclectic client list--Larry King, Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, JLo, Beyonce, Lana Del Ray, and even the has-beens like Steven Seagal, Kim Cattrall, and Wesley Snipes--you hear and believe Mark Wahlberg when he says:
I used to drop my pants
to good vibrations.
Feel it! Feel It!
It was a sweet sensation
to have a huge cock
and get taken seriously
as an actor at the same time.
I laughed out loud and didn't want to put the book down, while taking a road trip to Ithaca, New York. The best humor is when you want to read it to all your friends who will appreciate the fun. They laughed with me and wanted to hear more. It is rare, no, actually I have never read a book out loud to friends. Reading a book is a personal experience I never share, but I couldn't resist with Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems.
The most impressive quality is that Paul takes the most memorable and unique aspects of each character to bring out their true personality and we all love to laugh at celebrities. This is one to take with you on the plane, to pretend to be working in a boring conference meeting, or anywhere that you don't want to be and need to keep yourself awake.
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Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems With Illustrations edition by Christoph Paul Spider B Loren Kleinman Literature Fiction eBooks Reviews
Writer and pseudo-psychiatrist, Christoph Paul, just got up from the chair by the couch in his New York City (shrink to the stars) apartment to have a cigarette. He might even need to take a break outside, leaving Kim Kardashian to curl up in the fetal position after spilling her innermost (we're going deep here) thoughts on Kanye and Horatio Alger. (Kanye told me about him. He's smart...)
Meanwhile, Amanda Bynes is positioning herself on the corner settee, waiting her turn and taking a selfie of her pre-cathartic state, exhilarated by the thought of talking about herself for an hour. She's about to press the tweet button, but Nicolas Cage jumps up behind her yelling for her to "SNAP OUT OF IT!" -(a line in his poem) and the latest red-lined movie script pages fly out of his hands and around the room.
When you set out to psychoanalyze that many egos in one stretch as Paul does metaphorically in his Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems, to be released fittingly on July 4th, -- the day we celebrate all things American, including the celebrity worship these poems have fun with -- you need to step back and, well, analyze the situation. The author, as stated in his forward to the collection, let each of the well-known personalities speak to him in poetry. What results is a raw, insightful, and often hilarious take from the deepest recesses of the minds of the glitterati. Paul's material works hard not to let that last statement be oxymoronic and does not disappoint.
Some poems stun and resonate with their simplicity and brevity, as in David Beckham's poem "I made fauxhawks cool,/but I could not save soccer/ in America."
Others provide laugh-out-loud humor as in Robert Pattison's poem "Stroking my hair/ has been known/ to postpone menopause/ and cause puberty." And in Lady Gaga's contribution to the collection "I'm Madonna/before she became a British Jew...Sometimes I have a bad romance/ with baked ziti and ricotta cheese./" Even when Paul points out the obvious, it's funny because while our subconscious was only barely aware of this stuff, Paul was writing it down and turning it into verse. As in the examination of John Cusack's recurring plight in filming movies 'I've gotten many colds/standing outside/women's windows./ The directors always want/the rain coming down/while I wait for a girl./ I almost got electrocuted/holding up that boombox...."
Some provide quieter chuckles like when Cameron Diaz's entry waxes philosophical on aging and recalls her early movies "It feels so long ago,/time doesn't fly,/ but it shows itself/ in high definition..." Or Tom Cruise's "I imagine making love to L. Ron Hubbard.....nothing is mission impossible....And in the 3rd stanza The stars are hard to reach at 5'7"/ but I had Katie reach for me..."
There's plenty of irreverence to go around in these poems and nothing is sacred -- not even Whitney Houston - (Mariah Carey's poem includes the lines "I hit notes so high/ Whitney smoked them..." you know you're trying not to laugh there...) which is nothing less than one expects from the author of "Passion of the Christoph" known for his edgy, dark humor. References to the female anatomy are healthily dispersed (J. Lo's famous curves, Nikki Minaj's body gets a whole treatment - in fact in Carey's poem, "Minaj's ass/ is breaking my spirit"), oral sex surfaces more than once, and even actor Michael Douglass's very public cancer diagnosis does not go unexplored as the poem begins with "Cunnilingus cancer/ happens."
There's the silly - as one would expect - for the Justin Bieber poem "I was ushered in on YouTube,/ and now Anne Frank is a Belieber..." And the smart for Herman Cain, as reads the poem in its entirety "I tried your economic plan/when I was ten/while playing Sim City -- / it didn't work out."
Sometimes just the premise of the poem is enough to cause the fits of the giggles, like when Paul imagines smoking weed with the president in his Barrack Obama poem "You ask me,/what do you think about Benghazi?/ I take a hit from the bong,/ Who's Ben Ghazi, and/ does he party?" And in this one for Nicolas Cage "They're going to make a/ bad movie about this poem/ and have you star in it./ It will be National Treasure 3/ about a screenwriter who/ searches for average scripts/ for National Treasure 4."
Paul has his way with words, poking fun at Alec Baldwin, Ben Affleck, Chris Brown and many more, but my favorite has to be Oprah's verses. In the poem, Oprah can't endorse this poem...."You're white,/moderately educated,/ and don't speak Zen./That won't sell..." It goes on to address the audiences that the Brand Oprah must placate in order to stay in business and ends with this advice which nails perfectly the double-meaning intended "You must go after your dreams/young poet./ You must find ways/ to make white housewives buy it."
People will surely be buying this little gem of a book from Paul, but will the majority be white housewives? Perhaps not, though these poems have enough clever turns in them to be enjoyed by multiple generations, genders and ethnicities. (I read them to my 22 year old and he laughed at all the places and poems where I didn't and vice versa.) After all, everyone can use a good head-check every once in a while, and no one is spared in Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems -- and that's the skin-deep, laser-probing, disturbingly honest beauty of it.
not too bad.
This book says it all funny, witty, makes one think and laugh at the same time which is no small achievement. Bravo
I LOVED IT. I READ EACH ONE WITH THE PERSONS VOICE IN MY HEAD...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME LAUGH.
Everyone who loves pop culture and movies will find this poetry collection hilarious. From the simplicity of Samuel L. Jackson to the intricacy of Ben Affleck, there is something for everyone. Honestly, readers would do well to read these poems again and again--I found different ones funnier depending on my mood, so each read through was a different kind of fun.
I am looking forward to a hard copy to keep on the coffee table for guests to check out. Who the hell wouldn't want to read a well-done poem about Lindsay Lohan?
This is the strangest, most twisted selection of poems I have ever read. Creative, outlandish and definitely one of a kind. Once again, Christopher Paul brings his unique brand of humor and satire to the page and makes something sure to make you laugh, cringe or maybe question your faith in humanity.
From At The Inkwell
When Laughing At Celebrities Feels So Good Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems
If you have read The Passion of the Christoph, then you understand Christoph Paul's dirty and cheeky humor. If it was a bit too much in some short stories, then you will not skip a page in his sophomore satire, Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems.
Paul channels each authentic celebrity voice into this poetry book that doesn't stumble or falter. I envision John Cusack speaking on a couch telling Paul
I've gotten many colds
standing outside
women's windows.
Or Leonardo DiCaprio finally admit what was been on everyone's minds while watching Titanic
If I was Jack,
I would have thrown Rose overboard,
and lived to keep painting rich chicks.
Just when you think Paul couldn't possibly create the right voice on his eclectic client list--Larry King, Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, JLo, Beyonce, Lana Del Ray, and even the has-beens like Steven Seagal, Kim Cattrall, and Wesley Snipes--you hear and believe Mark Wahlberg when he says
I used to drop my pants
to good vibrations.
Feel it! Feel It!
It was a sweet sensation
to have a huge cock
and get taken seriously
as an actor at the same time.
I laughed out loud and didn't want to put the book down, while taking a road trip to Ithaca, New York. The best humor is when you want to read it to all your friends who will appreciate the fun. They laughed with me and wanted to hear more. It is rare, no, actually I have never read a book out loud to friends. Reading a book is a personal experience I never share, but I couldn't resist with Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems.
The most impressive quality is that Paul takes the most memorable and unique aspects of each character to bring out their true personality and we all love to laugh at celebrities. This is one to take with you on the plane, to pretend to be working in a boring conference meeting, or anywhere that you don't want to be and need to keep yourself awake.
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